my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
