Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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