Screwed.edu
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
3 2 1 whiskey
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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