Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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