yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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