i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
