I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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