Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
