GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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