Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
