Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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