we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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