you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
