Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
