Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
