After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
