We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
