so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
