And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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