And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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