I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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