well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
40s are totally the cure
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
