i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
