I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
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I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
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Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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