Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
