I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
