Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
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WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
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Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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