I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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