My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
