I could have mohawked her pubes.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dear god my vagina.
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