Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
