ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
