I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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