I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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