remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
