I am puke
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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