Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
