i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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