Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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