What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
