You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
