I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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