I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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