how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Randomize
