What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Randomize
