When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
