It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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