I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
