I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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