I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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