I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Randomize
