Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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