Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
