Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I need a burrito and a hug.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
