Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
