i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
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the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
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Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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