Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
