The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
