just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
