Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.