Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Non-Jews are for practice

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.

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(541): View more from Oregon

You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining

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(718): View more from New York

You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(845): View more from New York

i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.

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(845): View more from New York

I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting

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(903): View more from Texas

I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.

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(513): View more from Ohio

My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.

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(406): View more from Montana

If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze

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