Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.