Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass