Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
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I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.