Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.