is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
