I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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