I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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