so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
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At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
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Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
COCAINE IS GR8