someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"