I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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