Texts From Last Night

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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.

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  (814): First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half. http://tfl.nu/df8e
  Replies (27) Good night (4298) Bad night (993)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.

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  (201): i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures. http://tfl.nu/5w6x
  Replies (16) Good night (661) Bad night (5585)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.

  (1-727): View more from Florida

  shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.

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  (727): i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened. (1-727): shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face. http://tfl.nu/dien
  Replies (13) Good night (4543) Bad night (1000)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.

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  (907): started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night. http://tfl.nu/6i6d
  Replies (20) Good night (1097) Bad night (4972)
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  (518): View more from New York

  my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks

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  (518): my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks http://tfl.nu/8135
  Replies (11) Good night (4371) Bad night (1027)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.

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  (519): He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka. http://tfl.nu/8f21
  Replies (13) Good night (2485) Bad night (738)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..

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  (815): It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar.. http://tfl.nu/fcka
  Replies (0) Good night (1303) Bad night (706)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.

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  (417): When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion. http://tfl.nu/easp
  Replies (10) Good night (4959) Bad night (997)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.

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  (973): I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication. http://tfl.nu/0f45
  Replies (6) Good night (2136) Bad night (503)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?

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  (308): And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night? http://tfl.nu/df5d
  Replies (7) Good night (2399) Bad night (721)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...

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  (715): I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to... http://tfl.nu/6wxx
  Replies (8) Good night (517) Bad night (1320)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.

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  (321): You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again. http://tfl.nu/b1s4
  Replies (2) Good night (530) Bad night (1119)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.

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  (850): I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here. http://tfl.nu/dms5
  Replies (6) Good night (859) Bad night (383)
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  (530): View more from California

  Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.

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  (530): Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life. http://tfl.nu/z2vn
  Replies (6) Good night (1812) Bad night (534)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.

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  (604): I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner. http://tfl.nu/27g8
  Replies (7) Good night (1169) Bad night (432)

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