when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I love having hate sex.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..