dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.