Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(509): View more from Washington

so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week

Fav 25 5324 909
share tweet
(416): View more from Ontario

Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.

Fav 33 4883 1304
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(315): View more from New York

in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."

Fav 4 4231 947
share tweet
(925): View more from California

I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.

Fav 13 3470 1767
share tweet
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(975): View more from Missouri

At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.

Fav 5 3007 1101
share tweet
(409): View more from Texas

i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.

Fav 3 1503 836
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(972): View more from Texas

I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.

Fav 16 1256 2165
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(405): View more from Oklahoma

Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.

Fav 4 1344 566
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(541): View more from Oregon

COCAINE IS GR8

Fav 1 51 61
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT