I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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