end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
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