Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
