dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
