you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
