you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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