Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
